Sacrament Meeting was exceptionally wonderful today!! It was our Christmas program. I've never heard our Ward Choir sound so "angelic." It was hard not to tear up and still see the words of the music. I have always found that music reaches my soul more profoundly than words. There's a testimony of the Lord's love for us through the amazing gift of harmonizing voices. I know that sounds kind of silly, but have you ever heard a perfectly blended chorus and you were unable to single out one voice? To me, that's one of the incredible experiences of listening to music. When you sing in a chorus, one of the most wonderful experiences is looking for the nuances in the performance of the music and then taking it to another level. I'll probably never be satisfied with what I've already experienced in music performance....I'm always wanting more!!! One of my most favorite pieces is "O Magnum Mysterium." I'll try and link it to my blog so you can fall in love with it as well. The performance is from a group I have performed with "The NC Master Choral."

Here's a wonderful quote ....thank you Katie....it really touched my heart!! (By Elder Christofferson).

Moral discipline is the consistent exercise of agency to choose the right because it is right, even when it is hard. It rejects the self-absorbed life in favor of developing character worthy of respect and true greatness through Christlike service (see Mark 10:42–45). The root of the word discipline is shared by the word disciple, suggesting to the mind the fact that conformity to the example and teachings of Jesus Christ is the ideal discipline that, coupled with His grace, forms a virtuous and morally excellent person.

Returning to "Normal"

If there is such a thing....we're actually doing something not related to sickness. Yeah!!! Of course, we have one hold out...Tabb! He's down with bronchitis. If I had an isolation room...he'd be in it. Lysol wipes have been my constant companion.....don't forget everyone......keep those hands washed! There's lots of yucky illness bugs out there.

Last night I went to a co-worker's retirement dinner. I sure love the people I work with. To be surrounded by people who have dedicated their lives to healing babies is beyond words!

Reprioritizing

Okay....I had a vision for this week off from work.... we were going to make cookies, fudge, and bread. A delicious soup was on the agenda too. I had the hope we would all gather for "game" night and I could enjoy the craziness of my crew. What's happened instead.....we'll Melissa has had count them .... "3" admissions to the hospital. I've watched my daughter struggle to breathe for days and it's not easy to watch and be helpless. I've watched my daughter have her first panic attack - she finally "melted down." Pretty understandable! A wonderful friend who happens to be a child psychologist met with Melissa. She got to the heart of the matter within minutes...Melissa was scared of more blood draws, more IV starts, and scared that Daddy would be the one taking care of her instead of Mommy. Melissa knows I'm the main one who understands how to deal with all of her med's....she apparently was worried that if Dad stayed with her at the hospital he would somehow not understand what to do. Tabb got his feelings a little hurt, but I tried to help him understand that when it comes to illness, "there's nothing like Mom." We're finally out of the hospital and hopeful that we have made our last trip. An ENT doctor found some irritation around Melissa's esophagus and vocal cords....it could be that some of her flare ups with Asthma might have been affected by reflux. We'll know more next week when she goes in for another exam.

A long post...but it' s been a looooonnngggg week!!! Now ....what's on the agenda for the remainder of my week. Nothing, but hugging on my kids, doing laundry, listening to Christmas music, and maybe...just maybe some cookie baking!

Just sharing....

Tabb may have the flu (only got the seasonal shot). So...I've been single parenting for the last two days. Not a huge sacrifice at all, but I miss sharing the fun with him!!! Melissa is on the losing end of asthma control today --- she's been going "down" all day. We have a wonderful pediatrician who has given me another tool to use in our asthma control strategy. Instead of 2 puffs of her rescue inhaler, followed by another 2 puffs within 30 minutes - we can now try a puff a minute for 10 minutes and then one hour later - another 10 puffs per minute. I'm saying my prayers that it will work. I'm worn out for her --- can't imagine how scary it is to not be able to catch a breath. Overall, I'm just plain worried. Melissa needs everyone's faith and prayers.

The 5 Days of Asthma

Wednesday ---- Brian calls me at work----Mom Melissa is wheezing----"Brian...give her 2 puffs on her inhaler" -----Mom ...dashing to her car-------"Brian, what is she doing now"-----Brian - "Her lips are kinda blue" ----- Mom "I'm on my way" (panicking..."maybe I should call 911----oh no---there's a wreck on Falls of Neuse." The police are blocking the road). 45 minutes later----arriving home (normally takes 12 minutes), Brian carries Melissa to the car, Dash to WakeMed, Melissa continues to struggle to breathe and is admitted to Pediatric Intensive Care. After 1 day of excellent care, she turns around (for the better) and we're discharged on Thursday. Scary...Mom, Melissa, and Dad are exhausted, but grateful. We're even grateful despite the chair from H@** that we both slept in.

Friday - she's doing great, excited about the Christmas Party at Church. We leave the house---take 5 steps into the car----the weather is below freezing. We get to the church and she starts to not feel well. On the way home from the dinner, she complains that her chest is tight again and she starts to wheeze. Two albuterol treatments - no success. She can no longer talk, lips are turning bluish, and you can audibly hear her wheezing. Off to WakeMed we go again. This time....I'm really scared. It's hard to see your child struggling to breathe. Each asthma attack seems worse than the last and requires more treatment. Melissa is admitted again to Pediatric Intensive Care. We're now home - Sunday at 12 noon. Her care could not have been better. There was an amazing team of MD's, Nurses, Asthma Educators, and Respiratory Therapists who were always available and on top of every aspect of her care. I felt sorry for the Asthma Educator---she came to talk to me after I had had 2 days of no sleep. Of course, I burst into tears, explained my fears that somehow I wasn't doing all I could to prevent Melissa from an asthma attack. She was so kind and understanding. After I apologized for "loosing it," she said that I needed a hug...and she was right! I'm tearing up as I write this, because I am overwhelmed at the kindness and support of the medical staff at WakeMed as well as the love and support of my family and church family. Tabb and Nicolas left yesterday to go to Virginia to spend time with his Mom....it was important to both of us that he go! Brian and his girlfriend, Tabitha, spent the night in the torture chair so I could go and sleep. Daniel and Robin came to visit Melissa even though Robin has been experiencing harmless, uncomfortable Braxton Hicks contractions. So...the blessings have been numerous and my sweet Melissa is home!!

Prayers Needed

Melissa is in Pediatric Intensive Care - she's had a severe asthma attack. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

Finding Balance

"What are the limits on commitment of the heart of those who pursue holiness? Fortunately, this is a matter for each to decide. We achieve perfection, however, in the doing of many things, and can be perfect in our intent to do all things." James E. Faust


Just ponder the above quote...."we can be perfect in our intent to do all things." I think it is speaking to the desires of the heart. The next time when you are overwhelmed by all the obligations of life...just think that we can become perfect in our willingness to give 100% of what the Lord requires. I also think that having a desire to do good is an essential part of growing and maturing in the gospel. The next step is truly understanding what the Lord would have you do..........we can't run faster than we are able. So prayerfully consider where the Lord would have you serve. Let him take the burden from you in achieving the balance we all so desperately seek.
Just a thought......Michelle.