July 2012 - One Hot Summer

French Broad River before our Tubing Trip

Trout in the Pond near our Cabin in Canton

Princess Abigail

Porch of our Cabin in Canton

Melissa

The view from our Cabin

Bomb-quiesha (as she wants to be called - after her new Kinky Braids)

BSN - Finally

Our cabin - Tabb couldn't stay away from the computer

My Boys

What my co-workers had to do to keep me from coming to work!

A crazy composition of photos as I learn to move photos from my Iphone to my blog.  I promise I'll get better.  This July has been "stinkin" hot.   We have a pool membership, but I haven't been once.  The kids don't seem interested, so it will probably be the last year we are members.  The 4th of July we spent in the mountains of Asheville with Melissa.  Katie went to girls camp for 2 days and then came home - a little case of homesickness.  Next year, I'll have to go with her.  She has new kinky braids and is starting to turn into a little "fashion diva."  It's fun to see her sense of style - so unlike her mother!  She's a sweetheart.  When we were in Asheville, we went on a 4 hour tubing trip down the French Broad River. Tabb wanted nothing to do with the experience as evidenced by frequent complaining, covering himself up like an Egyptian mummy, and frowning.  Melissa was up for the adventure, as was I.  As we launched out in our tubes, I accidentally flipped over within two minutes.  My tube escaped me and I almost went under with the current.  Melissa came back to help me and Tabb left us behind.  We spent the next 4 hours trying to catch up with Tabb (who had our water and sunscreen.  A huge thunderstorm came up (with lightening bolts).  Melissa and I couldn't find Tabb; so we crawled up an embankment with our tubes to escape the lightening.  We then hiked down a road until we found the place the tubing adventure ended.  Melissa didn't talk to me for the last hour of the trip.  She was tired and hungry.  The highlight of the trip was the multiple times we were stuck on rocks and Melissa had to get out of the tube to drag us off into deeper water.  I never laughed so hard watching Tabb be so miserable. Other memories of July - cardiac cath for chest pain (all turned out okay, but pretty scary), Abigail got a Cinderella dress, shoes, and crown.  She loves them and Daniel hates the glitter on the dress.  Oh well!!  My diploma arrived for my BSN.  I was nominated for the Great 100 Nurses again, but was not selected (3rd time nominated - look out Susan Lucci, I'm competing for your title).  That about sums up July.  Here's hoping that August is cooler (hah) and that I have time for a Temple trip.  Working on daily scripture reading again with the desire to feel the spirit more closely each day!

Talk about desperation!  I have not been able to access my blog for weeks.  I love this blog!  I tried to log on a different computer and it worked.  Yea!!!  Here's a brief photo update of what we've been up to:

The Banana Singers

Melissa and Dad in Asheville

Mom and her very first new car - Chevy Equinox

Nicolas graduates from 8th Grade with the "Most Resilient Student Award"

Mom finally graduates from College with a BSN

Good-bye Green Elementary - we are so grateful for the wonderful staff and teachers...what a blessing for our children!

Katie graduates from Elementary School surrounded by great friends!

Can you believe I have time to do something I love....Canning!!!

Just a Random Photo of my Sweetheart!  Random is right!!

Daniel and Abigail

Sweet Kylie!!

My Katie is growing up

Happy
12th Birthday Sweet Katie



Katie's 2nd trip to the Raleigh Temple....the 1st time she went was at age 1 to be sealed to us!!




Hugging my beautiful daughter!




What a wonderful group of girls and their leaders....Katie is so blessed to have such a great roup of friends!




Me and my sweetie!

 Two weeks ago, we went to the Raleigh, NC Temple with Katie.  It was her first opportunity to do baptisms.  She was so excited, as were we!  It's wonderful to see your children embrace the ordinances of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  We knew that she would have a very special, sacred experience...and she did!  I had been down with a horrible cold for the 3 days preceding the trip.  I was so worried that I wouldn't be able to go to the Temple.  I started to feel better a few hours before we left.  During our time at the Temple, I felt ill, but not so bad that I couldn't enjoy being there.  Katie was beaming.  She got to see me all dressed in white.  I think it surprised her, but she had the biggest smile on her face.  Tabb helped do the actual baptisms in the font.  It was so touching to see him baptize Katie.  What a special experience for both of them to share.  The Temple is a quiet and peaceful place.  Katie said she could really feel the spirit of the Temple and loved the experience of being baptised for people who had passed on.  After the Temple trip was over, I experienced 2 weeks of fevers and the most severe cold I had ever experienced in my life.  I was so grateful that for the 2 brief hours we were in the Temple, I could feel well enough to be there with my sweet daughter and wonderful husband.

During that horrible time of illness, I was also in the last 2 weeks of my undergraduate education.  My statistics teacher refused to allow me to submit any of my work late.  I explained to him that in all my years of college, I had never submitted a late assignment and that all I wanted was to be late 3 days.  I offered a doctor's note and told him that he could verify that I have a 3.94 GPA (I'm no slacker).  He still refused.  So, Heavenly Father intervened and I managed to pass Statistics with a B and miss a week's worth of assignments.  I hated that class (and that is an understatement).  It was by far the most challenging, awful, disgusting, terrible, yucky thing I've ever had to learn and I am never, ever going to think about what I learned in that class again.  On the other hand, I got to experience the joy that comes from something you despise ending....that's an interesting feeling!  So....I plan on studying for my graduate school entrance exam and beginning graduate school in the Fall of 2013.  I'll attend the University of North Carolina - Greensboro.  My hope is to obtain a Master's in Nursing Administration.  I have given alot of thought to getting a Doctorate in Nursing Practice, but it is just way too expensive.  But who knows...maybe I'll find a scholarship.  Anyway, I will forever be grateful to my husband for helping me balance all that I have needed to balance. Believe it or not, without being able to focus on schoolwork, I may have collapsed under the grief of the last 2 years.  Keeping my mind busy and not dwelling on our family tragedy was a great blessing.  The Lord certainly knew what was best for me when I started on my nursing journey in 2001.  I could have achieved this degree when Tabb and I first married, but we were blessed with Daniel's arrival.  Then the Lord blessed us with Brian, Cory, Nicolas, Melissa, and Katie.  School took a far back seat to the blessing of motherhood.  Out of the blue, in 2001, I received a huge prompting to pursue my nursing degree.  It was a big struggle to be a Mom and to return to school.  One of my clinicals was at the hospital where Melissa one day would be a patient.  Little did I know that the Lord was preparing me for an experience that would help me have insight into what would one day save our daughter's life.  The day Melissa was admitted into the unit at UNC, I knew the staff, I knew the great work they did, and I knew enough to ask the right questions to ensure that her treatment was appropriate.  They also knew me and my integrity.  It helped them have faith in us that what we were telling them was accurate and true.  As a result, we were able to work closely with the  team until Melissa's diagnosis was confirmed.  I will always be grateful to my Heavenly Father for setting certain things in motion that will later be a way through a crisis.  Just the other day, Tabb and I were sitting alone.  I turned to him and said...."I'm so grateful for how things are going, but I feel very damaged by the experience."  He simply replied..."How could we not be damaged."  Accepting that the Lord loves us even when our journey is difficult has been what has gotten me through the past two years.  I have changed.  I have a deeper understanding of pain, suffering,  and sorrow, but a much greater understanding of joy.  When you've gone through the refiner's fire and you feel a glimmer of joy or peace, you feel it in a way never appreciated before.  This post wasn't supposed to be anything more than catching up, but it feels good to document that we're healing and that we're grateful for our family, friends, home and visiting teachers, and our wonderful Bishop and Stake President.   We love you...you have been our anchors and we will forever be grateful.

At Last.....

We've arrived in Weaverville for 3 days of hugging and laughing with Melissa.  When we first saw each other there were tears shed, but lots more hugs.  She looks wonderful!!  We had a wonderful time of sitting together and soaking in the feel of being together again.  I could see such a change in her mood....she has a calmness that radiates from her.  She's happy!!  Walking around the school was absolutely beautiful.  We petted baby ducks.  Petted 2 horses.  Looked at a worm.  There are tons of wild turkeys, but I didn't see any.  I'll post more...today we're leaving for a wonderful day of walking around Asheville.

Our first family visit in Asheville



Smoochie, smooch....




Relaxing in a mineral bath in Hot Springs, NC



Melissa's room at school

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Sweet horse at her school



She's looking so grown up with her hair straightened





Wild Turkeys everywhere!



Asheville Academy in Springtime

Tabb and I went to Melissa's school in Asheville for our first family visit - April 6 - 10th.  It was really emotional for all of us, but so reassuring that she is thriving and happy.  There are sad moments when she is homesick or has flashbacks, but the support is right there and they are able to help her quickly bounce back.  She loves school and is doing very, very well.  She enjoys fencing and soccer.  Each morning she gets up and helps to feed the ducks, chickens, and horses.  Then the girls walk to school.  Since the classes are so small, she gets lots of one on one teaching.  It is helping her catch up.  But most importantly, she's not overwhelmed by all the noise and social nonsense of middle school.  We are going up to Asheville this weekend. We're renting a cabin and bringing Katie with us.  The girls will have such a great time together.  They haven't seen each other since February.  I'm looking so forward to sitting by the campfire, relaxing in the hot tub, and cooking for my family.  I don't even need a school book - since I am done with school!!

Here are the first photos we've received from Melissa's new school.  Each time we talk with her, she is so happy.  It's a very small school with only 6 girls.  The staff is amazing and supportive.  She is doing great with her school work and is quickly catching up.  Some of the activities she gets to do includes dance, fencing, piano, cooking, farming, and arts/crafts.  Each day there is something special that the girls get to do.  I am so thrilled to see her smile.  Today, I told Tabb that I actually felt a glimmer of happiness.  He surprised me by saying that he wasn't there yet.  This is going to take some time to get used to her not being here with us, but if the pictures are any indication...the best is yet to come!!

Update

Melissa has now been at her new school for over 3 weeks.  She is doing really well.  Actually she's doing better than we could have hoped.  There have been some hard moments for her; especially with homesickness.  I have felt the same way...homesick for my daughter.  The first 2 weeks after she left, I couldn't relax.  I was so used to every single day having a challenge to face and protecting her from all of the obstacles she faced each day.  It's hard to give up control to someone that you have to trust.  I don't trust easily anymore. Someone said something to me the other day that hurt alot, but it was true.  They said that I've changed and I've become hard.  I could see why she said that, but it's really not true.  Only Tabb and my Mom know just how torn up I am inside. It's going to take a really long time to start to feel happy again.  About a week ago, I did notice that my chest wasn't feeling so tight anymore.  The last 2 years have been hell on earth..there is no other way to say it.  I don't feel hard inside, just tremendously damaged.  I've got to work on healing myself for the sake of my family.  We need to focus on the future and let go of the pain of the past.  I do know that  Heavenly Father will take care of the justice and mercy required to deal with the criminal .  Last week, I got a call from someone who offered a service to our family that we needed desparetly, but would have never asked for.  I could hardly talk when the offer was made and all I could do was cry.  Probably scared this person to death, but that is an example of how the Lord knows our needs and blesses us through the service of friends and family.  I'll never in my life forget that phone call - we received a blessing we never asked for.  Our Stake President and Bishop could be compared to having an angel on our right hand and on our left hand.  They have been so loving and supportive.  I'm deeply grateful that they were called to serve at this time. 

On the positive side, we will be going to the temple this week.  I am planning on going every other week. With temple attendance, service projects, and increased family time, I hope these things will make a difference.  Nicolas made 6 points in the Church basketball game last Friday...best game ever for him!!  Katie is doing super in school.   Do you think we're getting back to normal?  I sure hope so  :)

New School

Melissa will be going to a new school! She'll attend a school in Asheville for the remainder of 7th grade and probably 8th grade.  It's a beautiful school for girls ages 10 - 14.  It only has 6 students. There are horses, llamas, chickens, and donkeys.  She'll take dance, fencing, piano and voice.  Although being away from home will be hard for her, it will also give her an opportunity to grow.  We're so grateful that she'll have this opportunity and pray that the Lord will strengthen her and strengthen us during this separation.

Welcome 2012 !

When thinking about this new year, I am so grateful for the opportunity to continue to be strengthened by opportunities to serve.  This year, I hope I'll be able to "balance" well and work improved scripture study into my day.  I found this quote in a article in the Ensign - my new word for this year will be "authentic."  If I can do things for the right reason and with the right spirit - my efforts will be authentic rather than crossing off a task on a list.


"In addition to the recorded acts of faithful leaders, our legacy also comes through the unheralded service of the millions who are nameless in the scriptures—wives, children, laborers, soldiers, fathers and mothers, the bedrock sons and daughters of God. Like them, we do not require great worldly means or high office to serve. We serve according to the circumstances and seasons of our lives, even as we speak well of others, teach a class, express gratitude, share good thoughts, bear testimony, refuse gossip, remember people’s names, and pray for others. Consistent with the heritage of service portrayed in the Book of Mormon, these also are the essence of authentic charity.  As we are converted and our lives are truly aligned with the teachings of Christ, we find opportunities to serve, take initiative, accept and magnify callings, and eagerly engage in good works, not always being commanded (see D&C 58:26–29).  This legacy of service is one evidence of Christ’s true and living Church, even His holy mark upon us as a people."  E.  Dallas Merrell