So Many Changes

I havn't been so good about blogging lately....so many changes! I find as I grow older that each change ripples my world a little stronger than the last. You'd think that as you age, you'd become more accustomed to change and better able to "go with the flow." I go with the flow, but have a harder time enjoying the view along the ride. This past week, made huge change and left WakeMed after almost 6 years. Talk about hard. I love WakeMed! I love the people I served with and the people I served. What I did, matched my heart. Each day I felt that I was doing what the Lord wanted me to do, that I was learning and growing, and that I was making a difference. Nursing is so much more than a career. For those nurses who "don't get that," it's sad. Several months ago, an opportunity presented itself at a time when I was not needing anymore change in my life. Usually, the Lord speaks in small whispers...this was so much more than that. I just knew it was something I had to look into. I spent so much time questioning the timing of this change, but the reason for the change just kept becoming clearer. So, I find myself starting over again at a new hospital. I'm anxious to feel my feet on solid ground again. Leaving my dear friends at Wake was like losing a limb. I look forward to new friends and new opportunties to serve. I'm surrounded by truly amazing coworkers at my new place of employment.

Melissa - doing so much better. Each day since the beginning of the year has been better. She smiles all of the time now. Melissa started in a new school with a much smaller student population - it seems this is a good match for her right now. Melissa also has braces now. She went for a consultation and when it was finished she asked the orthodontist if he could put the braces on right then and there. So .... he took advantage of her willingness to have braces and put them on that day. She did great, although she tried to peel them off later that night. We're past the ouchy part and she's adjusted to the feel of braces.

Katie: Should we just call her Katie Bieber?? She's a member of the Justin Bieber fan club....I call him Justin Boobie head. Of course she doesn't like any silly comments about the love of her life!

Nicolas: He has been so sick for the last 2 months: strep, bronchitis, and the flu. Poor guy! He's starting to feel more energy. Hopefully, he'll get through the nasty pollen that's on its way.

Cory: playing basketball as usual and enduring the endless torment of being 16 and surrounded by annoying family....my heart breaks for him :)

Grandbabies: Growing fast and both are so sweet. Kylie spent 5 days with us. She was sick the entire time...came to us with a severe cold and ear infection. She started feeling better the morning she left. It was hard for Brian not having any quality time with her...all she did was cry for 5 days. Poor baby. Abigail is almost ready to walk. Kylie is walking well.

My sister is visiting from California. It's been a joy to have her here even though I'm totally occupied with the change in employment and school. *I only have through December before I graduate....the end is in sight!!!!

Enjoy the photos.

Brrrr.....It's Cold Outside

My nephew Kevin arrived from California during NC's lovely tropical weather! He's never visited the East Coast before. What can I say....except....he has the lovely green pollen to look forward to in March and April. It's wonderful to spend time with him and get to know him better. Since I was unable to get home to California for the past few years, this is a real treat to have him visit. Tabb is excited to have a new buddy....yesterday he took Kevin to Steven's Used Bookstore, Burger King, and Game Stop. Aren't you impressed....Tabb didn't start with a visit to Krispy Kreme! Enjoy the photos and stay warm!

Yeah....It's 2011

I've never, ever been so excited to greet a new year!!! 2010 was wonderful with the safe arrival of our two sweet granddaughters, seeing our two oldest son's grow into their roles as fathers, and our youngest kids thriving in school. I have been extremely grateful to see our extended family weather the storms of illness and come out stronger. The economy has been a bummer, but we have maintained our employment and managed to live more leanly than ever. We want for nothing except continued strength and good health for our oldest daughter. As I read many of my posts from last year, it was tough. I don't want to go back to the sadness and fear that overwhelmed me. I so appreciate the value of prayer and the value of friendship. There would have been no way we could have made it through the trials of 2010 without the strength of our family and friends. So, thank you to everyone who has bravely asked "how are you? and endured the painful responses. My husband, children, and our parents have been amazing. I have learned that each one of them is filled with a capacity of endurance and unfailing love for each other. What a blessing!

What's in store for this year? Helping my husband regain his health....I'm going to be all over you Tabb (I know what you're thinking).....sorry, but what I mean is I'm watching you....you have to behave. More walks for you!!!!

Daily scripture reading....I downloaded the scriptures to my I Touch - now I can read them at anytime. It's so fun to be in a meeting or otherwise bored and open up the scriptures. Last year, I had amazing miracles occur as scriptures "popped up" that were what I needed at the moment. I'll never forget the healing power of realizing the Lord was giving me counsel to prayers I had asked....the answers were far more specific than I ever expected. So...the moral of the story is....pray over everything (especially the little things). The Lord is waiting for us to simply ask for his help.

Organization.....I want to throw out most of what we own. I'm tired of moving stuff from Point A to Point B, just to find it messed up again. If it didn't exist...whala...it wouldn't be messed up!!

Playing.....we need time together as a family to do something fun....normally we divide up (the boys are out doing their thing and the girls are with me). It's hard to entertain teenagers and young kids at the same time. I'll figure something out...perhaps a trip to Busch or Water Country or both!!

School....the end of Part II is insight (BSN)....then it's on to graduate school. I don't know why I feel so compelled to get my Master's. There have been many, many blessings that have come to our family from my career. I have met people who have helped us with the trial of last year, I have skills that have helped me navigate a very complicated health situation, and I've been able to serve some of Heavenly Father's children. For me, one of the biggest miracles was that I interned in the hospital Unit that Melissa was in most of this past year. Just having a deeper knowledge and understanding of the care provided there, gave us strength to endure 5 hospitalizations.

All in all....I think the best thing I can improve on this year is gratitude. More to come....

One Last Post for the Day

My husband has lost his little mind....he went for a sleep study and had the technician take pictures of him!! He's so excited that he now "gets to" wear a mask to help with his sleeping. I suppose listening to the machine will be an improvement over listening to his snoring, but I'm not so sure about it. Tabb also picked up a case of impetigo while at the sleep study. I find it interesting that the impetigo is located on the same locations of the straps from the sleep mask that was fitted on him during the study. Tabb said it isn't possible since the mask was in a sealed/sterile package. I suspect however, that the sterile package was not so sterile! Either way....he's got a pretty yucky (non medical term) case of crud on his face. Poor little thing!!

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas! This was my year to work Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. Not too bad....being with the preemies puts perspective on what's truly important. I love and appreciate my family for being so supportive. My coworker - Jane, worked a few hours for me Christmas morning so I could be with the family. That's a huge sacrifice! That's the kind of people I work with. Christmas Eve was absolutely beautiful. The Larkin Family invited us for dinner. I wasn't able to arrive until 8 pm - and they held dinner for me. It was such a beautiful evening....Sis. Larkin made the most incredible feast. The elder's came over and sung Christmas carols and after the elder's left, we watched Celtic Women on a huge TV screen. Honestly speaking....it was the first night in a very long, long time that I felt at peace. Every worry seemed to disappear.

Today has been amazing....most of the kids are here. The kids are getting ready to light our outdoor fire pit and sit outside.....crazy. There's a serious snowball fight occurring as I write this blog between the elder's and the kids. How fun!!!

Also...it's the first Christmas with grand babies!!!!!

Mama Bear is on the Loose Again

First...thank you Ana E. Katie, and Keeks for blogging all your thoughts and feelings in such an open way. I get alot from reading your posts and I have come to realize that it's okay to be straight forward (with humor from time to time). Ana has posted some incredibly difficult moments when her babies were hospitalized. When their family was going through that crisis, I didn't realize that I would later be in a situation that seemed to last forever and with very real worries that my child might not survive. With Melissa's fifth hospitalization this year in process, I've got to admit that from time to time I want someone to step in and make decisions for a change. But then something happens and I swing full throttle into mother bear mode. No one knows my daughter better than me (sorry Tabb), except Heavenly Father. Melissa shares with me some of the most tender, difficult, silly, and amazing thoughts. I feel like I'm the protector of her feelings and of her health. When your child is hospitalized, you and the child lose alot of your control. Other people step in who have policies, procedures, and education as the main tools in their box of healing. I've got faith, love, experience, education, and tenacity in my box. Health care teams need to learn that unless it's an immediate threat to safety....bring the parents in on decision making before implementing a change in care. Ask the parents if they can attend rounds. I HATE getting a phone call after rounds and hearing that something has been done before talking to us, the parents. I need to be the one holding her hand when something difficult is discussed...not some doctor or nurse who can't begin to understand her. So her treatment team now knows just how tenacious this Momma bear is and I'll protect my cubs with my life! A little melodramatic, but watch out....because it's true!!!!

Reality Check

Gosh...I'm sorry for writing down sad thoughts.....sometimes this journey with Melissa "wears me down." No excuse....she needs me to "guts up" and be my normal determined self. Tabb knew I had been struggling the last few days and left a talk for me to read by David Bednar, an apostle from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The talk is titled, "In the Strength of the Lord."

Regarding the persecution of Alma's people by Amulon: "And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord." (Mosiah 24).

Elder Bednar continues by stating, "It was not the burden that changed, the challenges and difficulties of persecution were not immediately removed from the people. But Alma and his followers were strengthened, and their increased capacity and strength made the burdens they bore lighter. These good people were empowered through the Atonement to act as agents and impact their circumstances---"in the strength of the Lord."

Finally, he writes, "The enabling power of the Atonement of Christ strengthens us to do things we could never do on our own."